If this pandemic didn’t make it difficult enough to find love, I’ve discovered that being 61 and trying to find love is no piece of cake either.  In my last blog I mentioned trying to find help on YouTube, which isn’t really much help at all.  But there were a few things I discovered that may be why I’m not having much success meeting women, especially on the “snobby women” site, which I also talked about in my last blog.

One of the “experts” on YouTube suggested that widowers (that would be me) weren’t good prospects for love or marriage.  I guess some feel that widowers are somehow still too attached to their deceased spouse and we are just looking for someone to replace them.  What a bunch of bunk!  Yes, I miss my wife, and yes, I still love her, and yes, I still think about her, especially on significant days like anniversaries.  But I’m not naïve enough to think I’m going to be able to find someone to replace her.

I would like to meet someone completely new.  Someone that I can become friends with, fall in love, and eventually get married.  I mean, isn’t that what dating is all about?  Why date if you’re not interested in marrying that person.  I wrote on one of my online dating site profiles that I’m not interested in a long-term dating relationship.  If I’m going to date someone, I want to know if we’re compatible and find out if there is potential for marriage.  I have no inclination in spending the rest of my life alone.

I suppose it’s a possibility that I won’t find anyone to marry and spend the rest of my life alone.  Is that such a bad thing?  As one of my friends said, “I’d rather remain single than in a relationship with the wrong person.”  Those may not have been her exact words, but I think it still has the same meaning.  Someone else once said “There are worse things than being single.”  I think that is absolutely true.  I also heard someone say, “There are a lot of single people out there and there is a reason why they’re single.”  I guess that could include me.  Besides, being single has it’s perks.  I can watch as much football as I want.  I can leave my socks on the floor, “eh! I’ll just pick ‘em up later.”  I can have bad manners.  I don’t have to worry about offending her if I belch really loudly, or if I cough, hack, and spit, or blow my nose loudly, or release other bodily functions.

I’ve already been married twice, divorced once, and widowed once.  I think a lot of women believe that I’m not good relationship material because of these factors.  So, I wonder what else these online dating women see in me or don’t see in me that would make them distance themselves.

I’m not oblivious to the fact that I’m overweight.  I’m guessing that’s part of it.  It would be nice if at least some of these women would take the time to get to know me before passing judgement on me solely for that reason.

So here are some other barriers to falling in love: CATS!  I am deathly allergic to cats.     Cats might be a deal breaker.  Dogs, not so much.  One of the other barriers would be religion.  I’m looking for someone that belongs to the same faith that I do.  I just think it makes things a lot easier.  My wife married me in spite of that difference between us.  She was of one faith and I was of another.  We agreed earlier on not to try and convert each other.  I think we made it work because of that.  I encouraged her to practice her faith and she encouraged me to practice mine.  Something else I worry about is, let’s say I meet a nice woman, fall in love, and want to get married.  Where would we live?  I’ve been told that sometimes he moves in with her or she moves in with him.  I’ve also heard about couples that both sell their homes and buy a different home together.

I realize that at this point when I think about such things, I’m getting way ahead of myself.  I’m probably worrying about too many “what ifs.”  I guess I should just wait until I actually meet someone that I want to marry.  But, due to my anxiety, I do think about these things and fret about them.

Is this all sounding too complicated?  It is to me.  I don’t even know if it’s all worth it.  Sometimes I wonder if I should just stay single.  But I think I’m one of those people that isn’t meant to be single.  During the last almost 40 years, I’ve been single for a total of about four or five years, including the last two.  The rest of the time I’ve been married.  That is a lot of years being married.  I guess that’s just what I’m used to.  I’m also getting used to having free reign of my remote control.